I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
