I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wanna passion pit in your ass
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize