found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
it hurts more in the daytime
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
