just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize