shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
