You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
