Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
