end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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