i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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