I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
