so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
