I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
