WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
