Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize