I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
