Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
