Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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