Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
