they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize