i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
