no, he came in my armpit
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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