I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
