When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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