I have demons in me.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
