everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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