I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
