2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
