Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize