matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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