Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
