Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
