Sponge bath it is.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
