I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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