I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
