so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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