The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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