New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i out mim tonsoeep
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