There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
