11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
