I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
