I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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