omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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