Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
