I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
