Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
