People in love make me want to vomit
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
