Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize