i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
