I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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