Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
