Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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