I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
