so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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