your room smells of hookers.
And success
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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