evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
