she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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