The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
