going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
