Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
