I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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