Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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