he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
