her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
