Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
