Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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