dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize