The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
