Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
