Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
